How to Keep Track of Several Conversations and Not Lose Good Matches
I want to tell you about my friend Linda. She is 58 years old and just started dating online. She called me last Sunday in a panic. “I’ve been talking to eight different men,” she said. “But I can’t remember which one loves to walk and which one collects old cars. I haven’t even answered three messages from yesterday!
Are you feeling overwhelmed by too many conversations online? You’re not the only one. It’s a common problem, mainly if you’re used to only dating one person at a time. But here’s the thing: you can definitely learn how to deal with this without going crazy or missing out on great connections.
Here are some easy tips that have worked for my friends and me. These tips will help you stay on top of things, keep conversations going, and find the person you’ve been looking for.
It’s okay that you’re talking to more than one person.
Let’s talk about why this happens in the first place. You might be thinking, “Is it normal to talk to so many people at once?” Yes, the answer is a loud yes. People do this all the time, and it’s okay in the world of online dating.
Look at it this way. Dating apps are designed to help you meet many people who could be a good match for you. You wake up one morning to find five new messages in your inbox. What are you supposed to do? Just ignore four of them? No way!
This is what I tell my friends who feel bad about it. Those first chats online? These are just chats to get to know each other. You don’t have a relationship with any of these people yet. You’re just trying to figure out who would be a good person to meet for coffee.
People also respond at very different speeds. Some people respond immediately, while others take days. That makes it natural for conversations to overlap. Also, let’s be honest: if you put all your eggs in one basket and that person disappears (which happens a lot online), you’ll be very sad.
So, take a moment to explore more than one connection. You’re not lying or cheating. You’re being smart by looking for the right person for this time in your life.
Let’s get you organised
Now, let’s talk about how to stay organised. You don’t need fancy systems; you need simple ways to remember who is who.
I always recommend using your phone’s notes app or a simple notebook to get started. For each person you talk to, write down their name, what they do for a living, their main hobbies, and some of the best things you talked about. Also, write down the last time you spoke to each other.
Here’s a tip that might sound sneaky but really works: take screenshots of the parts of their profiles that interest you. Instead of going through your whole message history to remember if they’re the one who loves gardening or golf, you can look at these quickly before you respond.
Also, choose specific times to check your messages. You could do it at 9 AM with your coffee and again at 7 PM after dinner. It prevents you from constantly checking your phone, which can be tiring.
After every good talk, take a minute to write down what you talked about and what you want to ask next time. This shows that you’re paying attention and stops those awkward times when you ask the same question twice.
How to Keep Conversations Going
You know what makes me mad? When you’re talking to someone, and then suddenly nothing. They stop answering, or worse, you let the conversation die because you got busy.
Here are some tips to stop this from happening. First, try to answer at the same time every time. If you usually respond within a day, keep doing that. People think you’ve lost interest when you suddenly take three days to reply.
Follow-up questions that show you remember what you talked about before are a great way to get things done. Instead of just asking, “How was your day?” try asking, “How did your grandson’s soccer game go?” or “Did you finish that book you were telling me about?” This shows that you genuinely care about their opinions and listen to them.
As conversations go on, don’t be afraid to tell more about yourself. When someone talks about their hobby, tell them about something similar that happened to you. Sharing back and forth like this is what really connects people.
And here’s something important: if you really like someone but are too busy with family visits or work right now, tell them. A simple “I’m going to see my daughter this week, but I’m looking forward to talking to you again when I get back” shows that you care about their time and understand how busy life is these days.
How to Handle Your Time Without Going Crazy
Let’s be honest: if you’re not careful, managing multiple conversations can feel like a part-time job. That’s why it’s so important to set limits to stay sane.
You should set time limits for each day. You could spend 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening doing things on dating apps. This stops you from scrolling for hours on end.
Try batching your tasks. Please read all of your messages at once, then sit down and answer them all at once. This is a lot better than constantly switching between conversations all day.
Voice messages can save you a lot of time if you’re okay with them (some apps have this feature). You can say things faster than you can type them, and your personality comes through better.
Keep in mind that the quality of your conversations is more important than the number of them. Rather than rushing through discussions with many people, try engaging with fewer individuals in a more meaningful way. Every time, quality beats quantity. A good connection is worth more than ten bad ones.
How to Keep Things Fun
Now let’s talk about how to make your conversations interesting. This is where many people struggle, particularly when handling multiple chats simultaneously.
The key is to remember personal details and recall them later. If someone mentions taking a pottery class, be sure to ask about it in your following message. When they talk about their garden, ask how their tomatoes are doing. These small things show that you really care about their life.
Ask questions that need more than one word to answer. Instead of asking, “How was your weekend?” try asking, “What’s the most surprising thing about retirement?” or “What’s your favourite travel memory?” Questions without clear answers allow people to tell meaningful stories.
Mention their name occasionally in messages. It’s a small thing, but it makes conversations feel more personal and close.
When they talk about their interests or activities, tell them about similar things that have happened to you. If they enjoy hiking, share your favourite trail with them. If they talk about their grandchildren, tell them a funny story about yours. This shows that you have things in common, making it easier to connect.
Taking Care of Your Feelings
We need to discuss how to keep your heart safe while remaining open to new experiences.
It’s easy to fall in love with someone after having great conversations online. But keep in mind that texting chemistry doesn’t always translate to getting along in person. Stay emotionally distant until you’ve met in person.
Notice which conversations give you energy and which ones feel like work. It’s a good sign when talking to someone consistently makes you happy and excited. It may be time to put your energy into something else if you dread their messages or struggle to respond.
Follow your gut. Listen to that inner voice if someone seems pushy, demanding, or just “off” in some way. Good connections shouldn’t be stressful; they should feel natural and comfortable.
Don’t forget about your other activities and friends. Don’t let online dating dominate your social and emotional life. You shouldn’t be pleased just because you got a message from someone you haven’t met yet.
Easy Tools to Help You
You don’t need to use complicated systems to keep things in order. Your phone has everything you need.
Create simple profiles for each person you’re considering adding to your notes app. Include the most important information about them, along with the best parts of the conversation. Keep it private and easily accessible.
Set reminders in your calendar to follow up on planned conversations or phone calls. This way, you won’t accidentally ignore a good person because you were busy with other things.
Add a contact for someone you really like to your phone and note where you met them online. This makes it easier to talk about their information.
Some people find it helpful to make folders for screenshots of profiles or important conversation details. Just keep this to yourself and in order.
When to Pay Attention to Fewer People
Ultimately, focus on the connections that appear most promising. But how do you know when?
It’s a good sign if you get more excited when receiving messages from one or two specific people. Think about the people you think about when you’re not dating.
Once you start meeting people in person, you’ll likely want to invest more effort into nurturing those relationships. Meeting in person can help you figure out how you really feel compared to how you think online.
Focus on your top two or three choices if managing multiple conversations becomes stressful rather than enjoyable. You can’t spread yourself too thin because good relationships take time and emotional energy.
If conversations naturally lead to regular phone calls, video chats, or multiple dates, you should give those connections more of your time.
Last Thoughts
To handle multiple online conversations effectively, you need to be organised, have realistic expectations, and be kind to yourself and others.
This stage is all about finding the right person for you at this point in your life. You don’t want to get as many matches as you can or make everyone you meet think you’re great.
Even if you’re exploring multiple connections, treat each person with respect and genuine interest. Be honest, but also nice. If you no longer want to talk to someone, consider sending a polite message instead of simply disappearing.
Create simple systems that fit your lifestyle and your comfort level with technology. Trust your gut when it comes to which connections are worth more of your time and energy.
The right person will appreciate the time you took to get to know them. And when you finally find that special person, you’ll be glad you didn’t give up when things got too hard.
